My dear, beloved BoBo –
How very much I miss you. Your absence is a loss from which I will never recover. In all our time together there was never another even remotely like you, nor will there ever be. For one so small, the void you left is immeasurable.
You were my light, Bo. When all else was darkness you were there and saw me through some times and events I thought I would never get past. But I did. Because of you. Because of your warm, furry presence on the couch with me and the incessant licking when you knew something was wrong. Because of your deep, soulful, warm brown eyes that asked the question “Are you okay?” without ever uttering a word. You probably never even knew the comforting effect you had. But maybe you did. You always were more intuitive than the people in our lives.
Since your passing, it’s as though there is no air left to breathe and the silence is killing me, BoBo. I feel your absence in so many ways, but it’s sharpest in the silence. There are so many things I realize I don’t hear anymore: the soft padding of your oversized fluffy feet on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. when it’s time for your late night snack, the flip-flap of your ears when you shook your head after rising from a nap under the bed, the muffled thump of your paws on the stairs in the afternoons when I got home from work, or your noisy lapping at the water bowl. The soft tinkling of you collar in the night, reassuring in the knowledge that you were keeping watch in your own silent, passive puppy way.
My head knows you’re gone, but my heart won’t believe. I still count out three eggs to scramble on Sunday morning, two for me and one for you as was our habit for so long. I still hold the door for you to follow me out onto the balcony. I still expect to see you sitting up in your beggars’ stance with a paw on my knee – like you did whenever you thought I needed comforting. I still plan trips with you in mind; checking the “pets allowed” box on the campsite reservation page or absently connecting your harness in the front seat of the truck. The same seat that will forever be empty without you regardless of who might sit in it.
You were more perfect than anyone had a right to ask you to be, Bo. And you came to me that way. I didn’t teach you any of it. But you certainly taught me. You taught me patience, kindness, understanding, empathy and intuition. You taught me unconditional love. And now, the crushing misery of loss. And with it, I suppose, how to get up. How to keep trudging forward when your heart just doesn’t want to beat anymore.
You were, and always will be everything to me, Bo. I don’t mourn because I don’t have a dog anymore. I mourn because I don’t have you. You were never just a dog to me, you were family. My family. Know that you are loved, Bo. Now and forever.
Until we meet again. Journey well, Mr. BoBo.
Boseman – The bestest puppy whom ever lived. Daddy loves you.
April 2005 – June 18, 2015